Courtney's Page O' Fun

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE!

JOKES JUST FOR YOU!

YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT...

1.If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen,
2.If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match
3.If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal
4.If you have ever written a check for 45 cents
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles
6. If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie. Olympic Dream Team I or II)
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car 10. If you can pack your worldly possessions into the back of a pick-up (one trip)
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light or the "Beast"
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself
13. If your bed time is no longer 10:00 PM, but 3:00AM
14. If you consider Pizza one of the four major food groups.
15. If you consider the other three to be beer, McDonalds, and candy
16. If you've ever missed a class to watch Ricki Lake.
17. If you've ever sent e-mail to the people you live with.
18. If you refer to your meal card as "plastic".
19. If you've ever spent a good hour searching for your student I.D. just so you could get that one dollar off at the movies.
20. If you've ever stayed up all night just so you wouldn't sleep through your morning class.
21. If you've ever called your roommates, not knowing where you were at and asked them to come get you
22. When you work your class schedule around drinking
23. When you watch TV with no volume, while listening to the radio
24. When you can play euchre in any state of mind.
25. When showering doesn't happen on a daily basis.
26. When a blender is your first major appliance.
27. When you're not a dork if you wear your backpack on both shoulders.
28. If you can't find money to buy food but it miraculously appears to buy alcohol
29. When weather begins to be a major factor on your class attendance.
30. When you would rather do e-mail than study for a test
31. When your second major appliance is a coffeemaker.
32. When your walls are covered with beer signs.
33. When you have a separate refrigerator for beer.

Q. Why don't they have Christmas at Clemson?
A. They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Clempson??
A. With a restraining order.

A severe storm rumbled through Clemson last week and destroyed the entire town: $10 worth of damage was reported.

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Clemson campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a Clemson girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How can you tell if a Clempson Cow Collige student is a heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What does a Clem Tech student call a USC student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Clemson?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at Clemson burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't colored-in yet.

Q. Why do Clemson graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a Clemson grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. Who does the Clemson Engineering School fear the most?
A. Immigration.

Q. Why doesnt Clemson hold Drivers Ed and Sex Ed classes on the same days?
A. They dont want to overwork the mule.

Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from Clemson College have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God the Father as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They are given the task, and began to type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan indignantly protests, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."Jesus enters a command and the screen comesto life with a vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Satan, when are you going to learn ...Jesus saves!"

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon racks on the kitchen table and counters were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table,landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted;the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seeminglybringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly madeits way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenlysmacked with a spatula by his wife."Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

Three old men were talking about the best thing that could happen to them at that time of life. The 80 year old said : "The best thing that could happen to me is to be able to have a good pee. I just stand there and it dribbles and hurts, and I have to go over and over again." The 85 year old said: "The best thing could happen to me is if I could have a good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it is still a problem." The 90 year old man said: "That's not my problem, every morning at 6:00 am sharp I have a good long pee and at 6:30 sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me is if I could wake up before 7:00.

home